Oh., why did you write “Deserted Eyes”?
I wrote it because I realized at some point that I essentially ‘deserted’ a loved one’s…eyes.
Did it start as a song first or feeling?
It started as very vivid – very strong feelings while I was looking into this person’s eyes.
And what did you see in that person?
I saw this person’s dreams crashing right before my eyes.
Well. I felt responsible.
How? What were you doing?
Because most of the time, I was in a state of disappointment – sad and angry because of the things that were generally not working out.
Did you realize when you looked into that person’s eyes that you were doing that?
I knew logically that moods affects people around you, but it was the first time, I observed it happening in front of my eyes, saw it happening real time. It wasn’t just a feeling but actually seeing the consequences of my actions. When I saw it, it made me feel quite sad. And it wasn’t something I could just take back.
You didn’t feel at that moment that you could change and start making something positive?
Trying to throw positive after such an experience is feeding a black hole. If another person’s light goes out there is no processor, any good you send will never satisfy. They only feel the emptiness.. So, no matter what you do, that feeling takes precedence. So, no matter what you do, they will continue to project this emptiness that no one or nothing will be able to fulfill. This emptiness is artificial – an imitation of an abstract void.
If this emptiness was real and not artificial, it could be fulfilled by something else.
The only way out of this void, is if something or someone inspires them to become conscious.
You mean in a relationship?
Not in the relationship, I wasn’t trying to save the relationship. I wanted to break that spell by inspiring that person. Because it is not only the person’s eyes I deserted.
I could see the ripple effect. This person in that void would move on and the next person they will come to love would also not be able to fulfill it. It is a viscous cycle.
The “fake void” is a symptom of incomplete experience. The experience that led to it was most likely an experience you needed to understand in order to become your greater self.
But if you end up in this “fake void” – you interact – communicate – base your judgements and build your future relationships based on these “psychological traumas”.
The point is to really see where the responsibility lies. There are two roles – both showing unconsciousness. The one who causes the deserted eyes and the one who insists on continually reflecting that ‘trauma’ far into the future.
Why did the relationship stop then? Why did it end?
Again, it didn’t really have to do with the relationship. The relationship had its own path. A relationship is a relationship. It sometimes works – it sometimes doesn’t. It didn’t have to do with that.
There were other factors that broke you up?
It didn’t really matter. The song was just me trying to apologize in a way and recognize the fact that I did this – individually to him, not between us.
Do you think if you have done things differently… if you had the opportunity to start over again, you think things would be different?
No, no. It had to do with how you influence this person for his own life. For his own things, the things he had to do. Because even if you are in a relationship, you are two different people.
And it is not like it is going to change his way of living, or how he sees me or life. But, what I did was changing something within him that if it cracked, would make them lose the truth and get into the very material side of this world.
When that cracks, you lose what really is. What life is all about. And I was making him forget even more what life is all about. I was taking him down, more into the illusion, let’s say making him sleep even more.
What does it mean in the song when you say: “fall on me now?”
Well, before that there is a bridge where it talks about the “spell”. It says:
Dreams you hail,
Hear my despair,
Can’t charm that perfect spell.
Dreams you hail: Not only dreams, like “I want to be a lawyer” – or open a store. Dreams you hail means summoning back that feeling that there is something inside you, that spark of knowing that no matter whether you actually fulfill the dream or not, you are one with that creative force of possibility, that potential.
Whether you are realistic and don’t believe in God, spirit, energies. You only believe in this material world. Yet, still you are here and you can show the world things can be done differently. It doesn’t matter if you believe in something or not. This spark is the same in all of us.
Whether you have lost the meaning the life, of love, the future, the present moment. You are there with that spark to attain a purpose and that is the spark I am talking about.
The “fake void” covers that spark. That is what causes the depression.
“Hear my despair” – Even if you are trying to recall this spark. To trust again. Those dreams have already heard the despair. They have been polluted. As I said before, you will keep reflecting that void into everything that comes your way.
Until the spell wears off?
The spell wears off when the victim becomes aware that the ‘artificial void” they felt caused by the other person is not something universal. It isn’t real. They finally realize it isn’t a law they need to follow – a real cause and effect and execute in their own life. And when they grasp that – the spell is broken for them and for all.
So, when I said “fall on me now” – I will be there until the fumes of despair fade away, whether you like me or not, whether you are alone or with someone else.
What about the second verse?
Well, that explains, how I led myself to having “deserted eyes”. That I was shadowed and angry -…mad by everything. It was easy for me to be in a dark place and always have this escape into “not trying” – not having to try. Because when you are in a dark place, it is easy, because nothing and no one expects something from you. It is a type of freedom.
If you stay in the darkness, there is a sense of freedom, because you don’t even expect anything from yourself. You’ve come to peace with what you have You don’t even regret. It is very subtle. It’s like limbo. Letting life just roll. You don’t even care anymore if something is going to go right. You aren’t worried anymore.
So, you were defeated?
Well, in a way, yes, then you can just give into the darkness – as we call it, “the devil”.
That’s the Devil, though there is no real Devil or Hell. But, that is Hell.
Giving into the “devil” is where you think: “since I’m here, I can enjoy all the bad things about life and I can do whatever I want, even if I’m going to get destroyed because I don’t care anymore.”
So, it has a sense of freedom – and that is the freedom the “devil” gives you.
When you get into a dark space, it’s easy. You suffer but it is easy.
You’re not saying people in a dark place are lazy, are you?
It is lazy, that is why I am saying it is easy. Not having to have to try.
But, the funny thing is that those people that go into that dark place are the people who have the most ambitions in life. They want more and more. They want the best they can have and one day realize it might not be possible.
But, it is a black hole.
So there they’re frustrated?
It’s not frustration as much as anger.
What is the message of this song? The video starts with a scene of a man walking on a beach and black oil is spread across the scene and in the end of the video you walk away.
Maybe people will realize that their actions and what they do to themselves affects people around them and that they should always know that they are responsible.
Even if you’re on unimportant person, even if you nobody knows you – you are responsible for the circle around you and that circle around you connects to some other circle closer to you and that grows and grows and grows and affects more and more people.
In the video it shows the process you go through inside yourself to get in touch with something more spiritual and in the end, back to Earth again. What process did you use to bring back joy or connection? Because it shows you connecting with Nature and forces.
I wouldn’t know how to explain this to you but yes, it is something that happens on many levels of presence or consciousness in one moment.
So, you use your music to try to explain this process?
Yes, I do. Even though music is a limited language itself I try to carry their souls and spirits into that space of connecting with something inside themselves, their true selves.
And then, bringing that forces into them and as they listen to the music.
The music is infused with discordant sounds that are also there with the harmonies – harmonies that are also bringing them in harmony with themselves.
Within the song are those discordant tones that can “be” or exist beside the harmonies at the same time. Until the harmonies overwhelm and fill the soul. Until the person is back in tune with the Cosmic Being.
Most importantly, the music makes the person to be aware of it happening, each step.
Any last message?
It’s okay to have “deserted eyes”. But everybody should know that at some point, they have to become aware of what they’re doing and how that affects the world.
I’m not talking about the world in a “daily” sense, not politics and or clothes or where I am going to have coffee.
But, it could affect things there, too?
Of course, it could. But I am talking about a bigger mission that there is, that we are all a part of and we are all responsible for. We are all a piece of something greater. So, instead of bringing everything down, just ruining things and trashing people, we should uplift them instead.
If you can’t get out of your own darkness. The least you can do is inspire people, so they can see in your eyes, a spark of hope. If you do this, that hope might wake up a person whose light may lead you out of the darkness.